As human beings we have a deep desire to be loved.

Growing up we learn that love is earned rather than our natural state of being. Through this adaptation of ourselves in order to be loved we create patterns of self sabotage, unworthiness, guilt and self neglect.

We take on the belief that nothing we do is good enough unless it’s been approved by someone outside of ourselves. And even if it is, we tend to deny it because many of us were taught not to brag, boast or love ourselves up for our gifts and talents. It’s a vicious cycle indeed.

I know this territory so well. I’m a fantastic artist. I say that now. But I never used to believe that before. Everyone would tell me how great I was, especially when it came to my realistic work because that’s how I started off. I would always deflect a compliment by pointing out how my artwork isn’t finished yet, or it needs a little more color on this end, or I find some flaw to point out on the piece.

In my early twenties I realized how often I did this self sabotaging technique of denying myself love by deflecting compliments.

Someone would say they loved my hair and I would say how I haven’t had it cut in months or I would get a compliment on my shoes and mention how I’ve had them for a while.

Compliments are gifts of love.

When we deflect them, we are shutting down our fourth chakra, the center of unconditional love, by restricting ourselves from receiving love in all forms.

It’s a small yet powerful subconscious pattern that many of us engage in. You can stop this pattern with a simple thank you from here on out any time someone gives you a compliment. Add a smile to it and take a deep breath into your heart chakra to receive the compliment.

Another way to know you’re denying yourself love is the inability to receive support. By not letting other’s help you, you’re closing the door on the Universe delivering you the team of people who are willing and ready to help execute your dreams with you.

I know my M.O. tends to be to do everything myself and not ask for help or receive any help. I still have to muster up the courage to ask for support or to let go of the need to take care of it all. I have to say I am getting better at it but I have noticed that when I do, my heart feels more open to receive and gratitude fills me up. Many miracles have showed up just by my willingness to ask.

If you’re like me and feel like you’ll be a burden by asking for support then start asking. It can be as small as asking someone to hold the door open for you, or rallying up your besties to hold you accountable to a goal you’ve been wanting to fulfill.

Third way you could be denying yourself of love is by not voicing your needs and desires whether it’s to yourself or to others. We can suppress this out of fear that our needs may not be met, or we’re being too selfish, greedy or pushy or we’re not even clear about what those needs even are.

It’s vulnerable to express what we want. Giving voice to your needs is honoring yourself with love. It’s giving yourself permission to be open to receive your desires and claim them for yourself. No one else is going to give you what you want except for you (and the help of Spirit of course!) And you have to know what you want in order to create that in your life. So say it and proclaim it!

I’ve got a brand new teleclass Embody Your Fourth Chakra: Open Your Heart to Divine Love, Soulful Relationships and Empowered Living on Thursday December 20th where we’ll be opening up that heart chakra to end all the love denying and open up to being loved up immensely. By doing so, you let in all kinds of abundance to flow through in your life.

Seeing you living in brilliance, joy and abundance. Namaste!