Over the years I’ve had to learn about boundaries mostly through trials and tribulations of life.
And honestly, I don’t really remember being taught or shown what it meant to have sovereignty over your space, your body, your mental, and spiritual energy.
Sure my parents taught me lots about right and wrong, what I should do and not do, don’t take sh*t from others, to always be vigilant of my surroundings but not much about the nuances of who I am and what it means to take ownership of my life and purpose.
These pieces I discovered through heartaches, violations, knives in my back, and on the flip side experiences that lifted me up, expanded my light, and honored my truth. I’m grateful that I now have some pretty solid boundaries and am constantly shifting them as I continue to grow and the circumstances change in my life.
There are many layers upon layers to boundaries but my intention is to speak to the need for boundaries when it comes to having enough energy to live our purpose. And for everyone, it’ll look different. Your cultural upbringing, stressors, traumas, and lifestyle will all play a part in how you respond consciously and subconsciously to situations in your life and play a part in what boundaries will be most effective for you.
Even though it will look different, I do believe it’s helpful to explore some general guidelines to uphold boundaries when it comes to showing up fully as ourselves.
I also believe that when we have clear boundaries for ourselves, we have more clarity and can make choices that helps us thrive in our lives.
Merriam dictionary defines boundaries as “1. something (such as a river, a fence, or an imaginary line) that shows where an area ends and another area beings. 2. a point or limit that indicates where two things become different. 3. unofficial rule about what should not be done: limits that define acceptable behavior.”
Personal boundaries are the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual borders we create to ensure we can show up fully, serve fully, and defines who we are from everyone else around us.
Boundaries show us where our energy meets another person’s energy and how we choose to engage with one another. Boundaries support us in knowing what serves and doesn’t serve our well being and shows others where we stand when it comes to how we want and deserve to be treated.
Having clear boundaries also gives us freedom to be who we are and allowing others to be who they are too without the need to try to change, fix another person.
Here are a few areas to think about when it comes to cultivating strong boundaries:
1. I believe the most important step is to really get to know yourself first. Know your values, your beliefs, strengths, Soul gifts, your faults, and weaknesses. It then goes beyond knowing who you are but also embodying these aspects of you at all times.Now I know this is easier said than done, but with daily mindfulness you can continuously check in to see where you are being in integrity with your values, beliefs, and soul gifts, and make choices to express that even more.
This is also not a rush to perfection because we’re going to slip up from time to time. No big deal.Knowing yourself is key to being able to stand up for what you believe in and not get knocked down by someone else’s opinions about you. Rather than believing them, you can stand in your knowing about who you are what is true for you.
2. Take inventory on where you’re upholding boundaries in your life currently and where you are not. Are there areas in your life where you’re living in alignment with your values, purpose, and truth? If so, define those areas. Celebrate those. And then look at why you’re doing that and how this serves you to be you.
Now also take a look at where you’re not currently upholding boundaries. Are you letting others take advantage of your precious energy? Do you find yourself dropping everything for a certain family member or friend and never getting to do what you want to do? Are you always getting into the same kind of relationship where you’re trying to save or fix the other person only to play counselor instead of partner and lover?Pick one area and start to define what’s not acceptable for you anymore and also define what you want to see instead for yourself.
3. Get clear on what makes you feel energized, purposeful and most happy. When you are clear about what brings you the most joy then you can start cultivating those habits and practices even more. The more you amplify these, the more it’ll affect other areas of your life, especially the ones where you may not be totally happy about.
4. Do a reality check on the people in your life. Is there anyone who is draining you, causing constant drama, is manipulative, only reaches out to you when they need help? You may have to reassess your relationships and get honest about them.
I’ve definitely had to let go of many people in my life because we naturally outgrew each other or their drama, gossip, and judgmental attitudes was just too toxic for me and would bring me down heavily. It took me some years to now have friendships in my life that are all authentic, uplifting, and inspiring.
5. Communicate and speak up. Being clear about your boundaries teaches others how to treat you. If someone crosses your line and it makes you furious yet you don’t let them know it’s unacceptable, then they’ll continue to cross the line with you. Stand up for yourself, be ok with disagreeing with others, and be assertive.
6. Own your energetic space. Similar to the first one I shared about knowing who you are, owning your energetic space is more about fully claiming your entire being, including your energy body/spiritual anatomy (aura, energy channels, chakras). When you claim your space, take up room and fill in all the areas of your aura with your life force energy, then no one can step in a claim your space.
This requires practice and getting to know your energy body and aura and where the boundary of your aura meets the other, but you can simply start by defining where your aura begins and ends.
You can check out my video on how to see your aura for a fun place to start. You can also breathe in and call in your life force energy into your body and expand it to take up room and push out any other energies that don’t belong in your space.
7. Make sacred time to connect with yourself, Soul, and Spirit. I know you’re here because you’re a spiritual seeker and have cultivated ways to connect with a greater power than yourself while also connecting deep into the depths of your own Soul. This is key to maintain your faith, devotion, and commitment to designing a soulful and purposeful life. Dedicating time and protecting your spiritual path is important.
Goodness, I remember years and years ago when I was going to energy healing and psychic classes in 2002 and people thought I was absolutely crazy and lost my mind. But that didn’t stop me from upholding strong boundaries in connecting with my Soul in ways that felt authentic to me.
There’s obviously so much to say about boundaries and it can be broken down even further to specific areas of your life such as business, health, relationships and so on.
I’ll be teaching a free class “Cultivate Unapologetic Boundaries to Express Your Purpose” and gathering a lovely Soul circle on Thursday, February 8 at 4:00 p.m. PT.
I’d love for you to join us! You can save your seat right here: Free Online Event: Cultivate Unapologetic Boundaries.
Can’t wait to see you there!