Living authentically doesn’t mean you have to be nice all the time. Authenticity is being real with who you are at the present moment.
I see this too often where people misinterpret Spirituality with being “nice.”
What I mean here is that they opt for the nice route by sweeping things under the rug because of fear of speaking up about something, or being nice where they let others walk all over them or take advantage of them, or being nice where they don’t know how to say no afraid of what others may think.
Loving yourself and loving others requires strong boundaries. They allow for you to remain in a place where you are clear about what you allowing and not allowing I your life. Without strong boundaries you lose yourself to other people’s expectations.
And when you have strong boundaries, not everyone is always going to agree with you on them. You may be seen as a stickler, or picky, or hard headed but you know what? Who gives a shit! You teach people how to treat you. And the same goes with yourself, we teach ourselves how to be treated.
To open up to more love let’s look at two areas where boundaries are most needed first.
Having boundaries with one’s self:
Self-boundaries allow you to be the most authentic, loving, and vibrant you that you can possibly be. To discern what that is, what do you absolutely say NO to in your life? Where do you draw the line to what is acceptable behavior and what is not acceptable behavior for yourself? What do you need to STOP doing in order to be more loving to yourself?
Here are a few of my love infused self-boundaries:
- No drugs.
- No smoking.
- No gossiping.
- Be on time.
- Meditate daily.
Make a list of what is a must have in your life and what you are not willing to accept in your life.
Having boundaries in your relationships:
Stephen Chbosky says it beautifully in his book The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Tweet this!
Having boundaries around what you feel you deserve in your relationships, what is healthy for you to engage with others, and most importantly what will make YOU feel loved and appreciated then you can truly show up able to give and receive love authentically and vulnerably.
What is non-negotiable for you when it comes to your relationships? Where are you letting others walk all over you? Where are you feeling taken advantage? What boundaries do you need to create so that doesn’t happen? What makes you feel loved, respected and appreciated?
When you are clear about these boundaries, you must speak up for yourself and communicate them in your relationships. Otherwise, you won’t get what you deserve by not letting others know what you want or how you want to be treated.
Here are a few of my love infused boundaries in my relationships:
- I will not date someone who smokes or does drugs.
- I need quality time with my partner on a regular basis where we are not distracted by external stimuli such as cell phones, television, or our laptops.
- I won’t do something for someone (friends, family, colleagues, partner) out of guilt or feeling I’m “supposed to.”
- Being okay to remove myself from an argument if it gets out of hand to be discussed again when both people can speak from a place of love rather than judgment.
It takes consistency, practice, and communication to express what you need in order to strengthen and create clear boundaries for yourself and in your relationships.
This allows for yourself to receive love because you’re loving yourself by saying no to what doesn’t feel good and yes to a life you deserve.
Are you struggling with fortifying boundaries in your life? Check out my February Intuitive Love Reading Special to clear out the clutter, strengthen your relationships, and set strong boundaries for a more happier you!